FISHY DISHI : It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of more money. Happily for some they can marry a billionaire’s daughter and continue to have great expectations.
A prime example of the well tailored to riches struggle is the UK’s architect of the world beating Eat Out to Help Out scheme, thought to have really ramped up the pandemic last year. And just imagine? Doing that and suffering no consequences? And showing no visible remorse? This is leadership.
But ensuring success for viruses isn’t the only struggle our fearless, and well groomed Chancellor has had to overcome.
The promotion of brand Rishi speaks to a depth of character that comes from unique struggle.
“Imagine being born into good circumstances, going to the best schools and universities, entering the begging bowl universe of casino banking, marrying very well and then finding yourself completely gobsmacked to be in politics? Such a novel journey is rarely seen, except for people born into exactly those circumstances,” an unauthorised biographer of the Chancellor comments.
And Rishi Sunak wants you to feel the struggle. Wants you to know that merely by virtue of being able to style his hair, he’s the man to run the country, when the day dawns that Boris Johnson starts putting his fading barnet into a combover.
“To help everyone connect with his riches to riches journey he’s organising a clap. We’ve done nurses and emergency responders. Now we need to celebrate the sacrifices of the man who’s always had everything.”
The clap will be this coming Thursday at 8pm to start off, but once Sunak’s swimsuit calendar hits your doorstep you’ll be able to hang him by the fridge and applaud his particular load of bollocks daily.