CASH ‘N CREDULITY: Rishi Sunak wants you to spend those savings today, as you’d expect from an inheritance millionaire, playing at being a Chancellor in a time of economic crisis. But he has taken steps to make it easier for you.
Today the Royal Mint has confirmed a fabricated rumour that a new £10,000 bank note will be released in time for Brexit price rises.
“The “Boris” is blonde in colour, and will be vegan so all British citizens can eat it, when the note becomes worthless as a means of exchange by late summer.”
But not everyone is happy.
A group of hard line Tory MPs have already set up a “Big Note Research Group”. But it’s not the actual size of the new denomination, or why it maybe needed, that is their concern.
“Vegan? VEGAN?!&*” a member of the group screamed down the phone, before hanging up.
And there are other unique changes to the “Boris”. For the first time the Queen will not feature.
“She’s been replaced by a Spitfire,” the Mint confirms, “as that iconic feat of British engineering has replaced everything else now in the national psyche, due to its irresponsible use in English nationalist propaganda.”
It’s not clear at this stage what the likely exchange rate for a Boris will be, although some suggested a hill of beans.
“What we don’t want to see,” the BNRG phoned back to say, “is it being worth less than 10,000 Euros. Clearly if the EU tyranny don’t peg their currency to the pound from 1st January 2021 it will be a deliberate act of sabotage. Because they don’t like our status as a free and sovereign trading nation. And not because we’re a bunch of deluded nostalgia freaks fuelled by dark money to trash the UK economy. After which we will bring back feudalism.”