IT’S LIKE 1066 ALL OVER AGAIN : THANKS TO THE TIRELESS EFFORTS of N. Fuhrage all Global Britons are now aware of the invasion occurring on the coast at Kent.
“If he wasn’t down there with his smart phone filming them no one would know it was happening,” an aide at the Home Office told LCD Views, “can you imagine that? Not knowing that half a dozen exhausted war refugees had managed to complete a journey of months or years to get to Britain? How would you feel not knowing that British munitions weren’t falling on their heads in the English Channel? Devastated I wager. At least that’s how the mad and vicious bastards currently ruining the UK want you to feel.”
But to take care of this, and so everyone can feel alright, none other than Home Secretary Priti Patel has gotten involved.
“It’s in the hope that Fuhrage will stop Whatsapping her videos and just get back to sending her policy suggestions regarding immigration,” the aide explained.
So what’s she going to do about it? Something must be done. Scenes like this haven’t occurred since the Norman Invasion of 1066. And we all know how that worked out!
“She’s ordered the Royal Navy to get into the Channel and sort it out,” the aide beamed, “we won’t be being invaded by humans for much longer. And for every rubber dinghy they sink they can paint a picture on the bows of a destroyer. Keep morale up as they win the latest Battle of Britain.”
Stirring stuff. It’s good to know Priti is defending our borders.
“Except for Coronavirus.”
Except for that.
“It is one of the drawbacks of being Global Britain,” the aide added, “people can find us on maps and come here. I suspect, going forward, we will have to remake maps to remove the UK from them. We’ve thought of everything.”
*International analysts suggest the need to remove the UK from maps will take care of itself. A natural consequence of Brexit.