CONCRETE DOESN’T POUR ITSELF YOU KNOW : Great news for the UK’s untapped child workforce today. The government has decided to kill two birds with one stone.
Starting from the beginning of the new school term in Southeast England, next week, children too hungry to study will have an opportunity to work to eat.
“Work to eat, that’s the slogan,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “it’s pointless wasting precious state financial assets educating children who will be vital cogs in the workforce from January 2021. And with so many complaining of hunger because their parents spent all their benefits on a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, and laughers* this new scheme will give them the chance to feel what a full belly feels like.”
A full belly after a day of self-esteem boosting work.
“The scheme will be centred on the Kent lorry parks that are currently under construction. And let me tell you, we need labour. Child, teenager, adult, retiree, it doesn’t matter, if you’ve one good hand and a one working foot, partial vision, or even none at all, your government believes you are good to work. Good to work to eat.”
The ‘Work to Eat’ scheme does tailor itself to children’s needs in more ways than food.
“We all know no child of working age wants to go to bed. Work to eat takes advantage of this by forcing children to work the night shifts. As the sun rises each day they will be shunted into the mess tent and get a full plate of gruel. Clearly as we haven’t yet reached the Winter Solstice the breakfasts will be later each morning until late December. This will only add to the anticipation.”
But the vital, and timely scheme has drawn some fire from Northern MPs.
“What about the North? We weren’t duped into standing for election for Boris Johnson on a raft of clearly bogus promises just to see our own children denied the opportunity to pour concrete in Kent.”
To counter this potential uprising a Downing Street source released the following statement,
“What about the North? We don’t need you again until 2024.”
*Name the book the list of drugs is from and you won’t win a prize!