HOLD THE PRESS : THE MAIL ON SUNDAY CONTINUES TO FASCINATE WITH AWARD WINNING, VITAL JOURNALISM and today is no different.
In a mad scoop in today’s edition of one of the UK’s more disposable sheets it reveals that Labour leader Keir Starmer owns a field.
“I’m not sure how the British public will deal with this,” an insider claiming to work at the MoS told LCD Views, “after all, it’s only Conservative politicians that are expected to own large amounts of real estate, generally through inheritance. And not, I stress not, because they worked their guts out, excelled in their profession and wanted to make their ailing mother happy. It’s really not on. Why can’t he act like a prime minister and have a series of affairs and refuse to acknowledge the resultant children? It’s just not on. Think of our public standards. It took years to sink them this low.”
What the British public will make of the news isn’t certain, although it’s likely that most will be experiencing a range of emotions from nonchalance to warm hearted surprise that Sir Keir is nicer than they thought.
It’s a bit baffling why the MoS is purposely advertising on behalf of the Labour leader, by revealing such warm generosity towards his mother, and decades ago too.
But that wasn’t the only breaking news that shocked.
Genetic tests on Prime Minister Boris Johnson have revealed that, in line with his performance as PM, he is actually a donkey.
Maybe someone will do us all a favour and put him out to pasture.