Global Britain begins exporting anyone maybe not born in Britain to the globe

Millions of tourists and people who suffer admin screw ups between the Home Office and the country’s banks are to be gifted free trips to their real homes this year thanks to new Home Office rules forcing banks to perform immigration status checks.

“This is a golden opportunity to mismanage documents and kick out all the benefit scroungers,” Fayda Jansen, patriot, told LCD Views.

“When I got this job at my local bank branch I was pretty bummed out. It meant less time fighting for Britain by spam sharing factually based, patriot posts on social media. Which is my true calling.

But now, if someone who isn’t white and so doesn’t have a right to be on English soil comes up to the counter I can just shred their paperwork and book them a seat on Southern’s new Deporting You First, cross channel train service.

I now love the Home Office.”

But critics of the scheme have hit back.

“The Home Office has already announced it’s closing the Chunnel and turning it into a mushroom farm.

If the government u turns on this promise to keep it open to deport illegal humans, who by the way, shouldn’t be here in the first place if they can afford the buffet car prices on their journey home, how are they going to get them out?

No English boat is going to be free to do it. They’ll all be patrolling BRITISH WATERS as part of the Border Volunteer Force. It’s not thought through.”

Another critic, speaking for a human rights organisation, was similarly unimpressed,

“Okay, this is clearly racist, in intent, which fits with Brexit Britain. Is clearly open to abuse. Is a clear data privacy risk. Is going to discriminate against elderly and poorer people who may not have all the documents needed to hand, and so will be stuffed while they sort things out, and to top it all off, they’re going to put forced to use Southern.”

But Christopher Greylimb, government minister responsible for awarding the plumb contract to Southern defended the scheme.

“We’re caring Conservatives,” he said with a dead eye and a weasel’s smile.

But LCD Views is not convinced.

We’re concerned this is more evidence that Global Britain means deporting anyone not born in Britain, or who hasn’t the paperwork to prove it, to anywhere else on the globe.

Just maybe, maybe, it’s another change under May’s loving reign that makes us a teeny, weeny bit racist…

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