Steve Bannon to wed Kate Hoey and Nigel Farage in Thames cruise threesome

The taste of Satan in love is set to ooze across the waters of the mighty river Thames with the announcement that Steve Bannon is to wed Kate Hoey and Nigel Farage in a Thames cruise threesome extravaganza.

”For some reason people have gotten it into their heads that Bannon is moving to Europe to both escape Mueller and to start a cohesive far right project designed to destroy civilisation as we know it. You know, finish off what those well tailored chaps started in the 1930’s and 40’s,” an aide to Bannon told us via a ouiji board.

But apparently that’s not true?

”Well, it’s sort of true,” the aide said, “as once this vile threesome gets together it will almost certainly open a portal into a dimension so full of cockwomble fascist idiocy I doubt the Ghostbusters will be able to stop the reign of nightmares, men or women doing the busting.”

Will there be a gift register so fans can throw their excrement at the threesome?

”Oh yes! Anything from WW2, well one side in particular. White bedsheets. Tiki torches. Offshore tax avoidance schemes. Subversion of democratic institutions through mass indoctrination of the non-critical thinking. Oh and if you don’t have a lot to give, just give your conscience and moral compass.”

Any special treats planned for the big ceremony?

”Blood sacrifice and the mass servitude of children,” the aide said, “oh and fish. A hell of a lot of fish.”

What will the fish do?

”They’ll be thrown into the Thames by the bucket full dead. As that’s the way Nigel likes it.”

Will there be TV coverage?

”BBC and Fox News are co-producing the coverage. Because that’s how we roll in the U.K. in the grip of historical amnesia.”

Sounds fantastic!

“And wait until you hear how the three are spending their honeymoon.”

Do tell?

”In David Cameron’s Shepherd’s Hut shed.”

Why there?

”Because he’s the gutless twat that started it. Sadly he can’t be there for ceremony, as he’s now living in Nice.”

Nice.

”No. Nice.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *