Surge in people changing name to “Dominic Cummings” as new CV-19 laws come into force

DOM DE PLUME : Town Halls across England are reporting a surge in people wishing to legally change their name today.

The rush to get a new handle appears to be related to an earlier television outing today by everyone’s favourite party entertainer, Priti Patel, who also works a side line as Home Secretary. This is in spite of having to resign in 2017 for running a secret foreign policy agenda involving attempts to redirect public money to a foreign military.

“People who meet on the street are breaking the law,” Ms Patel smiled, “unless they are going to shoot animals. It’s perfectly reasonable. What better way to remind everyone in this United Kingdom that they are entering a new era of feudal servitude than by making laws that favour the wealthy landowners more likely to vote Tory?”

But of course anyone in the UK having a passing glance at recent events will know that you don’t have to be wealthy, necessarily (although it definitely helps), to get away with breaking CV-19 restrictions in the UK. But you do need to have the right name.

“I am a little bemused personally. People could change their name to Stanley Johnson, Robert Jenrick or a cast of other Tory figures who have been relaxed about CV-19 restrictions. But I guess everyone wants to be the top dog.”

And being the top dog means there’s only one name to change yours too.

Dominic Cummings. And then you can get away with everything. From the little irregularities in the 2016 EU ref all the way through to driving to test your eye sight.

Dom de plume. Gets yours today.

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