Taking MPs for a ride : Rees-mogg adds fair ground flair to new voting system for MPs

A TISSUE A TISSUE : THE MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT FOR THE 14TH CENTURY, JACOB REES-MOGG, has responded to criticism of the new voting system he’s introduced into the House of Commons.

From today MPs queuing up to catch Covid-19 from each other will be able to take fun fair rides.

“The Ghost Train is a traditional feature of British fairgrounds,” an aide who works in the crypts told LCD Views, “Jacob had a vision yesterday, as he was lying in his coffin awaiting the night, and the vision was fun.”

The Ghost Train will snake its way from the start of the long queue, all the way to the House of Commons chamber, with MPs spilling off the caboose and into the division lobbies.

A traditional song, The Dance of Death, will play as the train rumbles toward its terminal point. Although there have been a few murmurings of disquiet, as the recording artist chosen is not British. But then you can reasonably be queried over policies which may inadvertently, indirectly kill some of the people some of the time, but you can’t please them all.

And it’s not just the method of shuffling off the mortal coil that is changing in Westminster, the division lobbies are getting a much needed makeover too.

“MPs won’t go into the yes or no division anymore, but into the positive or negative, this will help Matt Hancock as he ramps up his CV-19 testing stats. If we’re testing people, they can’t be dying. That’s some clever thinking right there.”

But there has been one other area of criticism.

“Some of the usual types, who are never happy anyway, have suggested the train should terminate at Barnard Castle, the spiritual home of Tory Covid-19, but that would just keep Dominic Cummings undermining the rule of law in the headlines. We wouldn’t want that.”

Get your ticket today, just be sure to self isolate, at home, for fourteen days each time you ride the train. You never know what the person next to you maybe carrying on any given day. Well you would if we had an efficient, publicly run, infectious disease control strategy, but this is Tory run UK.

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