The importance of one’s second home in France

Lockdown is easing at long last, and, with the sun out, one’s thoughts naturally turn to one’s second home in France. Normally one will sojourn in sunnier climes for a season at this time of year. As regular readers of UnoTesticular know, this is to avoid contact with the hordes of city dwellers, who decide to use the ancient rights of way across one’s estate at the first sight of sunshine.

Last summer, unfortunately, many of our kind were imprisoned in our paltry mansions due to the coronavirus panic. This led to a backlash, as many were obliged to resort to setting the hounds on negligent day trippers straying from the footpath or attempting to picnic in the grounds. We all know that this sort of behaviour is unacceptable. Many stiff letters were sent to the editor of the Daily Telegraph, deploring that organ’s championing of the rights of the Great Unwashed.

Rights of way cannot, alas, be easily or cheaply removed in the modern era. So slumming it in the South of France has become the preferred option of many a landowner.

This has preserved the sanity and self respect of many moderately well off people, while permitting the lower orders to admire the benefience of their betters.

Imagine, then, the dismay felt by many at the 90 day rule. I’m no politician, but this is an absurd situation. 90 days is hardly enough time to settle into the French lifestyle following a bitter English winter. Here at UT we understand that Sir Montague Hyphen-Hyphen-Hyphen is coordinating a powerful response, and will ensure that the Foreign Secretary reverses this decision forthwith.

Then once this storm in a teacup has passed, life can return to its natural rhythm.

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