PEACE AND LOVE: Lightweight intellectual Jacob Rees-Mogg wants to reclaim a famous symbol. It is most unjust, he says, that the woke left should wish to cancel our history.
“The swastika is actually a religious symbol,” declared Rees-Mogg in his traditional lofty manner. “It represents one’s well-being and good fortune. It should not be cancelled by do-gooders focussing on a very narrow period in the twentieth century.”
Rees-Mogg is of course correct up to a point, but he naturally cancels the fact that association with the Nazis led to the cancellation of the swastika.
“I am cancelling nothing,” responded Rees-Mogg, with that typically condescending note in his voice. “I know the woke community will go mad at this, but the important point is that OTHER people have reclaimed their words, so religious people want to reclaim their symbolism. Not to permit this amounts to racialism!”
This momentous pronouncement led to much frothing at the mouth among the self-righteous right. Many angry column inches were produced, condemning the idea that anyone should wish to throw a statue of Hitler into the sea, although nothing of the kind had been proposed.
Rees-Mogg proposed that the newly recovered swastika be emblazoned on every place of worship, public building, school, and armband. It would form the background for every government minister’s Zoom calls, superseding the Union Jack.
“It’s a matter of historical accuracy,” said Rees-Mogg, totally patronising now. “It is symbolic of the need for the country to come together and work as one. It represents my struggle, rising from humble beginnings to the modest office I now hold.”
You have to admit, he wears his heart, and indeed his symbolism, on his expensively tailored sleeve.
Rees-Mogg further proposed a new office: The Wokefinder General. Anyone proven to be woke will be forced to wear a Saint George Cross, a symbol of the most famous Englishman of all.
And at a stroke, cancel culture will be cancelled.