Theresa May fails cognitive test after only remembering three words “Brexit. Means. Brexit.”

WITH LEADERS LIKE THESE : CHIEF ARCHITECT OF THE HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT, sponsor of ‘Go Home Vans’, agile thinker and former prime minister, Theresa May, has put herself in an embarrassing situation today after failing a basic cognitive test.

“Ms May didn’t want to be left out of what is now seen as the gold standard in tests for global intellects,” an aide (claiming to be) to the former prime minister told LCD Views, “I guess seeing Donald Trump smashing it she must have remembered that romantic moment when she held his hand in Washington. She was moved. Which is not something you usually say about the politician who stood mute and incapable of activity for days in the face of the Grenfell disaster.”

Whether or not it was memories of walking with POTUS that inspired Ms May to get involved in the viral test isn’t really clear, but the results are.

“I guess it was easier for Mr Trump. Remembering, ‘I. Put. Kids. In. Cages’, that sticks with you. Maybe Ms May is still suffering from the impact of robotically repeating slogans her entire time in office?”

As that is all she was capable of when taking the test.

“She just kept repeating ‘Brexit means Brexit’. When someone whispered to her that it was five words she had to recall, she switched it up and tried ‘No Deal Is Better Than A Bad Deal’. That was too many words clearly. You can have too many memories. Ask anyone.”

But while Ms May was said to be attempting to shrug off the complete failure of her entire career (to achieve anything positive), experts are saying the result is actually worse than it seems.

“It’s really just two words,” a cognitive test expert opined, “Brexit and means. And no one knows what it means still. Not really. But they’re about to find out come January 1st 2021. Then you’ll only need four letter words to explain Brexit and its backers.”

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