Tories to win the war on “woke” by being even bigger bigots than before

WHAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF AWAKE : Britain’s famous liberal prime minister has a culture war to win or he risks losing the support of the intellectual and cultural heavyweights that comprise the modern day Conservative and Unionist Party.

“We’re the real victims here,” an aide to the prime minister told LCD Views. “We have pretty much total compliance from commercial media, the BBC is riddled with our plants, we’ve only an 80 seat majority and a Parliament so toothless it keeps extracting its own teeth and handing them to the executive, the official opposition won’t even talk about Brexit as they also bizarrely voted for it, and we really don’t know where to turn for support.”

And support is needed as the party that has been in power now for over a decade needs allies in its culture war, or there’s the risk a statue of a slaver may get pulled down.

“Between you and me though we don’t really want to win the war on woke, just a series of battles over and over. If we don’t have people arguing over intangibles, sufficient to obscure the national landscape, people may start to ask how a party that oversaw one of the world’s worst avoidable pandemic death tolls should get to carry on in power?”

But thankfully they do have a strategy and it’s likely to be a successful one.

“You see what we’ve done to asylum seekers? You see how we’ve been allowed to get away with it? That’s key. We’re going to be even bigger bastards. Even bigger bigots than before. And the confused people of Brexitannia are going to go along with it. There is no one we won’t persecute to stay in power. And with our willingness to pass laws to enforce compliance of thought, you’re all going to love it.”

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