HIGH AS A KITE : An unnamed Conservative Party MP is believed to have been admitted to the famous treatment centre, The Priory.
The MP is suffering from an ideological substance abuse issue that rumours suggest have turned him, or her, into a “brain dead, lobotomised, dribbling fool who can no longer be trusted to use a fork, due to the risk of serious injury.”
Sovereignty is of course a misunderstood substance. It can cause temporary euphoria in users, but like most addicted substances that compensate for something missing in the addict’s life, it soon becomes dangerous.
“It’s completely habit forming. You begin by telling people with differing views to yourself to bog off, then as usage escalates you turn your fire onto nations within your own union.”
The later stage of addiction will see the serious addict breaking international laws and telling their allies and neighbours to shove it.
“At this point it’s best to place the addict in a medical coma and wash their system out with purgatives. Many have no hope of recovery and end up with mad blonde hair styles.”
LCD Views would like to point out that sovereignty can be used safely, but to be enjoyable it needs to be combined in measured doses with the sovereignty possessed by likeminded others.
“If you just mainline it on your own you’re screwed,” our expert advises, “the type of Sovereignty currently being dealt in Westminster will turn many MPs into drooling muppets, and has already done it to some. It’s hard to tell what is the worse side affect of heavy use? The rotting of the vertebrae? The dissolution of the ability for critical thought and inability to see consequences of your own actions? Or just the fact they become total pains in the arse.”