LET THEM EAT FLAGS : The Tory MP for Cocktumbhle, Died (pronounced Deed) Hart, has demanded answers from the UK’s thriving food bank sector owing to a visible lack of patriotic fervour.
”I have conducted a survey of many of the thousands of food banks that have proudly been established since the glorious moment David ‘Boy Wonder’ Cameron and George ‘You Peasants Are Hilarious’ Osborne took office, with that dude who now works for Facepamphlet, and none, NONE of them are flying the fLaG!&@#”
The lack of pride in Britain amongst the swelling queues of hungry is seen by Died Hart as a key factor in why they are so hungry.
“Clearly if they just believed in Britain their spirits would be sated and their flesh would follow in good order. The Empire wasn’t built by starving people in England. It was built by sending them to take food and wealth from people who didn’t need it at gunpoint. Show a bit of PrIdE!@&£”
Thankfully the MP for Cocktumbhle has a solution.
“Today myself and all the other psychos who hilariously were elected by just enough of the comatose have written to the Prime Minister demanding an immediate respond to the food bank crisis.”
The solution will fill you with pride and patriotism and enough jingoistic pie to satisfy even the hungriest family, who was careless and didn’t land a PPE contract in the goldrush.
”We are demanding that food banks are forced by LAW to sell their surplus food stuffs and use the proceeds to purchase Union Flags to fly over their entrances. And further that all food parcels be packaged in Union Flag pattern paper. This will make for a happy and productive underclass, ready for the new Satanic Mills to be constructed at free ports and Charter cities soon.”