CONTAINS IN APP ADVERTISING : THE GOVERNING CONSERVATIVE PARTY HAS ANNOUNCED TODAY A MAJOR NEW DIGITAL BREAKTHROUGH IN THE FIGHT TO GRAB PUBLIC CASH.
“Papp”.
“Papp uses the same world beating software that was used to develop the gold standard ‘Matt the App’ for the Health Secretary,” a 10 Downing Street source enthused, “Only it’s now ramped up to get app making done.”
Papp will only be available to Conservative Party donors and friends of cabinet minister, giving it an exclusivity to die for in the fight against CV-19.
“Users who download Papp will be able to bid for PPE contracts wherever they are. Be they wandering the halls of their mansion, in their third or fourth home, in a chauffeur driven limo, anywhere they have an internet or mobile connection.”
And what’s even better is the nudge theory used in the app will prompt users to bid for PPE contracts again and again.
“Regular users will get prompts as they go about their day encouraging people to pretend there is not a pandemic,” the source continues, “they maybe nodding along to a tabloid headline about how there’s nothing to fear if you’re poor and get Covid, and up will pop Papp to remind them it’s time to set up another shell company and grab a PPE contract.”
There will be a series of levels for users, but even infrequent players will easily be able to grab a £108m contract to supply rubber gloves at £50 a glove to the NHS.”
Papp is never dull, and with its exciting range of icons based on WW2, users will be back to win untendered contracts again and again.
“If there’s a penny left in the public purse there’s a reason to open Papp.”
And it’s not just ministers that are enthusing over Papp. The Disaster Capitalists Guild has named Papp it’s app of 2020.
Get get Papp today, don’t let the smears put you off!