LCD Views’ Political Fools correspondent has been leaked a memo of the inaugural gathering of the Conservative Party think tank charged with winning under 35 year old voters back from that sneaky old pied piper.
“Stop lying to them? Which bally fool wrote that down?” Bradley Benn apparently called out to the only other under thirty five year old in the room, before crossing it right out.
“Right. Young people are daft. We need gimmicks. You know, shiny beads for the natives sort of stuff.”
The suggestions came thick, very thick and fast then.
“Bit of sleight of hand on stamp duty? Lovely. A rail pass we haven’t worked out how to implement yet that will be useless to anyone with a job and normal working hours? That’s going right in.”
A further suggestion, actually build houses to balance out supply and demand, rather than just talking about building houses, was modified to,
“Let’s talk about building some houses.”
It’s believed longer term this won’t be a problem as most under 35’s will have upped sticks and moved across the channel to stay in the twenty first century.
There was silence in the room till one joker said,
“Tell them to try rebirthing and get better parents this time?”
This was changed to, it’s all my own hard work and you can inherit my connections and wealth if you just find a Norman ancestor too.
Some lark is reported to have suggested, not actually do Brexit, but he was laughed out of the room by a high spirited blonde boy dressed as Rupert Murdoch.
”Means test rights to fertility?” Bang on!
Good luck with it Tories!
I’m sure intentionally stripping away all the liberties enjoyed by EU membership will be a total charm.