NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE : THE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER, RISHI SUNAK, IS SET TO PROVIDE ADDTIONAL STOCKING FILLERS TODAY WITH THE LAUNCH OF HIS FIRST CELEBRITY CALENDAR.
The calendar will have one theme for each month and feature Mr Sunak in a variety of dazzling compositions.
“No expense has been spared on the photography and design of the Sunak spreads,” an aide working on the product told LCD Views, “in fact we’ve put more effort into this than the entirety of the economic plan to cope with Brexit.”
January will kick off with Rishi standing disarmingly (but socially, and financially distanced) next to a bin fire and the tag line “We’re all in this together!”.
February will be Mr Sunak distributing bread at a food bank with a smile so innocent you’d never know he could have prevented it.
March will see Rishi as Atlas.
“The boulder on his back will look distinctly like Boris Johnson. But any suggestion this is a subtle play for the Tory leadership is mistaken. Rishi can just buy that.”
April will see a return to Mr Sunak’s most loved environment. Wagamamma’s.
“He’ll take a break from the casual, business chic attire for this one. He’ll actually be taking a leaf out of Johnson’s book and cosplaying as a fireman. The better to help the fire brigade crew fight the flames resulting from the Brexit food rioting.”
Details of the summer months are still under wraps, with the teasing suggestion they will have a playful, swimsuit theme.
The calendar does end officially in December, like usual, but as with some it has a bonus extra month for the following year. January 2022.
“This will focus on winter foraging for food and fuel supplies while enduring a trade embargo from Europe. Rishi will be pictured as King Cnut in this one. Feet in the rising waters and the people grub for grubs on a green and open landscape.”
Pre-order your calendar today and receive a free motivational coffee mug with it.
“That has ‘Brexit – Sunak will make a meal out of it!’ written across it.”