NICE WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT : LCD Views has learned this evening that a consultant working on the Serco Track and Trace system has been rushed to A&E after hearing a common phrase for the first time.
It’s believed the individual was busy counting their money after another day’s hard consulting when they heard the phrase “there’s no such thing as a free lunch”, and was injured.
“The consultant is said to be in a stable condition at an inner London private hospital and is expected to receive a personal visit from the prime minister later this evening,” a spokesman for Serco Track and Trace told LCD Views.
“Although they have requested that Boris Johnson wears a mask during the visit, preferably a full biohazard suit, keeps his distance and does not attempt to shake hands,” the spokesman continued, “they may not be very good at setting up something as basic as a test and trace service for an infectious disease, but you don’t get over seven thousand pounds a day to consult if you’re a complete idiot.”
When pushed for details of how a common saying could have injured the consultant the spokesman shrugged.
“As I understand it they broke a rib laughing, split their sides, fell over and rolled about the floor howling. No such thing as a free lunch when you’re on seven thousand pounds a day with seemingly zero expectation of any output but transferring public cash to your bank account? That’s a free lunch mate. Be in no doubt about it.”