The worlds of plastic surgery, toupee makers and Botox suppliers were exhilarated to hear two old men have joined together to fight the five visible signs of ageing.
After an unofficial meeting yesterday, which had nothing whatsoever to do with criminal investigations and the mass use of “bots” to influence social media, the best friends stood side by side, to show their commitment to the common cause.
“We won’t stop until no one gets old,” the bottle blonde affirmed during a joint press conference.
“For too long younger generations having grown up fearing baldness, wrinkles, bad breath, loss of muscle mass and a reduction in pleasure during love making. This will not stand any longer. In a series of tweets I will be outlining my good friend’s plans here for how we can achieve our aim.”
It’s not exactly clear why the dynamic duo have decided to prevent people suffering the five signs of ageing, but their energy for the task is clear, even if their motivation is a little murky.
“Good wigs. Botox. Skin lifts. Regular exercise with friends, such as bareback horse riding. Not thinking too much and a diet of nationalist rhetoric are all available to people who fear middle age.”
It’s hoped the commitment, made so publicly, will warm the hearts of millions of young people, and even some older ones, all over the world.
“Let’s just hope that Mueller guy doesn’t break them apart,” one keen observer stated, “I hear he’s so jealous of their friendship it permanently furrows the brow.”