PRIME MAGA CHUMP STEAK : US PRESIDENT AND ALLY OF GLOBAL WARMING, DONALD ‘ORANGE’ TRUMP, HAS SIGNED A NEW EXECUTIVE ORDER ON THE EVE OF THE US 2020 GENERAL ELECTION.
The order is aimed to limit the spread of Covid-19 on polling day, which the president is said to be exceptionally concerned about.
“This is why the voting queues for early voting have been miles long,” a White House insider told us, speaking through an ouija board, “so that people don’t give each other the foreign flu. We had to close many polling places because we believe in democracy.”
The new executive order is aimed to build on this work, along with that of MAGA trucks blocking access to voting stations, to ensure social distancing is maintained.
“We’ll also be burning all the mail in ballots,” the insider continued, “just in case they’re contaminated. Which is very possible as most of them have been posted from China. Fact.”
The change to voting eligibility on polling day will require all people presenting to vote to pass a Covid-19 test before receiving their ballot paper.
“Some undemocratic traitors have claimed that we’re only letting people vote who are Covid-19 positive as that proves they’ve been to a Trump rally in the last two weeks. But that is incorrect. They may live with someone who has been to one. Or work with one. Or stood too long next to one at a supermarket. There’s many ways they could have become infected recently.”
Although clearly, attending a Trump rally is the best way to be sure you pass the test and cast your ballot.