President Donald Trump’s attempt to divorce Michelle Obama failed today after a judge rejected the papers petitioning for divorce.
”The filed papers were filled out in crayon and littered with spelling errors,” our Washington bureau chief says, “this raised suspicions in the court and a handwriting expert was called to determine the authenticity of the papers.”
It seems it only took seconds for the handwriting expert to point the finger at POTUS.
“Donald Trump has dedicated his time in the White House to dismantling anything he identifies as Barrack Obama’s legacy. He’s such an insecure man child that even becoming president doesn’t compensate for knowing his father thought he was the afterbirth,” our correspondent says.
“He even pulled apart an IKEA bookshelf that had been stashed for later removal in a larder in the basement of the White House, while on a sugar rush, because he overhead a janitor say Barrack Obama had built it in record time just to prove he could.”
But after attempting to promote climate change, doing his best to crap all over the last unpolluted habit of polar bears, doing his utmost to legitimise every bigotry and prejudice optimistically believed largely consigned to history, and as recently as yesterday pulling America out of the Iran Nuclear Deal just “because Obama”, it seems the fake billionaire living on borrowed time and Russian money hit upon the one deed of the Obama’s most would assume he could not undo.
“Most were right,” our stateside hack nods, “the handwriting expert said that perhaps if he had used a biro and learned to spell first he may have gotten a little further. Oh, and if he had actually paid for the court filing rather than including an IOU. Still, it was a long shot.”
So where next for Donald?
“Well, he’s clearly going to be impeached before the end of the year. Yesterday’s Iran Nuclear Deal smash up was just to distract headlines from the breaking story of Cohen paying off Stormy from a bank account stuffed with Russian money. It mostly worked, but only for yesterday. The rumour mill says he’s going to begin rebirthing classes, giving his name as Obama, in the hope of stopping his birth midway. No one has ever tried that before. I doubt it will work.”
But there is one field in which Barrack Obama can’t touch him.
“You’re right,” our hack says, “Barrack is pretty good at getting people to laugh along with him, but Trump is far and away the greatest at being a global laughing stock. There’s a real danger of the Earth splitting its sides when Trump is led into court in cuffs.”