JOB IN HAND : Matt Hancock is a striver. Matt Hancock is a trier. Matt Hancock is a real man.
“I don’t look back at explosions,” Matt Hancock reportedly told himself late last night, after another successful day tarnishing a good thing with Brexit.
And the explosion yesterday was the announcement that the UK is first to approve the Pfizer Covid-19 vaccine for use.
“It was Brexit what did it,” Matt told the world early yesterday, even though Brexit had nothing to do with the approval.
“It would be fair to say Brexit influenced the speed of approval,” our Brexit expert suggests, “because it’s going to potentially be a lot bloody harder to import this German product, developed by Turkish immigrants, and to be produced across the EU, into the UK if we crash out of the CU and SM at midnight on December 31st.”
But clearly given Brexit is likely to make even fighting the plague harder, government ministers had to take immediate action to alleviate this risk.
“By lying about it.”
Which of course is total Brexit.
“Rees-mogg got in on the act with Mogg too,” our expert continues, “saying that it was only because we have left the EU that we could so speedily approve the use of the vaccine.”
Thereafter the usual cast of idiots chorused the lies in the hope of establishing it.
“Tory MPs lying is just business as usual these days,” our expert notes, “which is a funny way to run a country, unless your aim is to run it into the ground. But it’s a shame that it has to even muddy the water around CV-19.”
What Matt Hancock will say to himself in the mirror this morning is uncertain, given that after he and his mates spent the entire day lying about the regulatory approval of the Pfizer vaccine, Boris Johnson declined to join them at it.
That’s probably the biggest shock of the day. He’s normally the epicentre of any life doing the rounds each day.
“At least this will boost public trust in the vaccine,” our correspondent adds, “now that the usual Tory muppets have spent the day lying about it, the rebuttals to their nonsense will exponentially increase public understanding about the vaccine and its development.”