SOMEONE IS TAKING A BEATING : THE UK GOVERNMENT is determined to try harder today after a disappointing setback in the world of marketing.
“It’s really just a hiccup,” a spokesman for Downing Street told LCD Views, “we’re sure the judge can be persuaded to see the light. We can offer him a PPE contract or the end of his professional career. You just have to find the right combination of stick and carrot. It’s all about sensible governance at the end of the day.”
And sensible governance needs its go to slogans and catchphrases.
“We’re going to trademark all of them. Dead in a ditch. Over my dead body. Fcuk business. Spaffed up the wall. Letterbox bank robbers. Something about smiles. Well. It’s a long list and we own it. We will try again and I’m sure next time we’ll be successful. We are a world beating administration. Everyone can see it.”
But why the judge turned down the application isn’t entirely clear. LCD Views can’t stand miscarriages of justice so we sent a reporter along to the judge’s home to find out more.
“After hours doorstepping Judge Frielies address we gave it up and searched for her wheelie bins,” our correspondent says, “it was while rifling through the contents of the bin that the Judge herself approached us to ask what we were doing. Seizing the moment we demanded to know why she had turned down the UK Government in its effort to trademark world beating.”
“Because I don’t know what planet they’re on,” Judge Frielie responded, “and looking at you I can only assume whatever planet they’re on, you’re on it too.”