QUITE UPLIFTING : Whoever said philanthropy is dead hasn’t seen the great work being down currently to keep hungry British families hungry for more.
”We all know times are tough,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views, “and not just because Boris Johnson is unable to take a foreign holiday. Some MPs haven’t been able to access the subsidised bars and restaurants at Westminster for months.”
And while most of the attention is focused on the privations suffered by MPs, some are wasting their time fretting over the lower orders.
“It’s not really for the government to go all nanny state and interfere in people’s life choices,” the source continues, “if people choose to be born poor and hungry that is their right in modern Britain. Imagine if government involved itself? Where would the spirit of enterprise go in the field of social mobility.”
Happily the concerns of the governing class can focus on more profitable areas, such as PPE contracts, after the private sector took over the exciting responsibility to stop people starving to death too fast.
“Some of us are rather uncomfortable with the food parcels that have replaced the food vouchers,” the source fretted, “particularly those of us who lobby for the tobacco industry! Ha!”
And the concerns are mounting over how to feed the nation’s hungry. Concerns about waste of taxpayer money.
“It’s all very well to feel noble dishing out half a British banana to feed a family of four for a week,” the source finished, “but it’s actually an egregious waste of money that could be better funnelled to other party donors. After all, UNICEF has already proven it will feed our huddled and starving masses for free.”