QUEUE FOR BRITAIN : The U.K. government is hoping one of its tastiest screw ups (just this week) will go unnoticed, concealed under a groaning table spread with freshly killed dead cats.
“It’s just a question of world class timing,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “the deadline has passed, but it was a ramped up EU deadline, so it doesn’t matter. The German carmakers will sort it out. We’re Global Britain.”
The deadline itself, regardless of the relevance Downing Street accords it, concerns food labelling for 2021 and the export of food between Britain and Northern Ireland.
“You’re really boring me with the details,” the Downing Street source sighed, “we don’t do detail. Algorithms do detail. We are the great men of history. We bring in the sweeping changes. If a few people have to queue for some bread for a few months, what of it?”
But people aren’t used to food shortages in the UK, not since the war and the end of rationing in the 1950’s.
“Well if food rationing was good enough for the generation that survived the Blitz it will be good enough for patriots today.”
Maybe not. Especially not in Northern Ireland. This is where the labelling issue has the potential to really hit. And you’ve created enough problems for them with Brexit as it is.
“It’s a province. It’s a provincial problem. We are the great men of history bringing in sweeping changes.”
You really believe that?
“We’re world class.”
I was asking a question, not making a statement.
“Oh, sorry. I thought we’d reached the stage of a Brexit discussion where the pro-Brexit interlocutor, unable to support assertions, moves to insults.”
But why miss this deadline? Why give industry another headache and put more cost on the voters?
“We are the great men of history, we are”
Cut the crap. Why did you miss the deadline? I’ll give you this toy Spitfire if you answer?
“Oooo! Give me! Give me!”
“We missed the deadline because we couldn’t make up our minds over which outdated font to use to spell the world ration.”
Thank you. Here you are.
(aeroplane noises and simulated sounds of machine gun fire)
“We’re Global Britain! We’re world class!”
Idiots. And this time it is a statement and not a question.