U.K. won’t publish impact assessment of deal with EU as it can no longer afford the paper to print it on

LORD PENNYWISE WILL SEE YOU NOW : Downing Street has caved today and come clean over the reason for its reluctance to publish the impact assessment on Boris Johnson’s world beating trade deal with the EU. You know it. It got Brexit done.

“Are you insane?” a Downing Street staffer told LCD Views. “It’s a horror show. Fishing is stuffed, like so fast, even before we can get away from the scene of the crime. Financial services, our economy’s GOLDEN GOOSE, are going to migrate to the EU and New York until there’s not even an iron pyrite duckling left. Forget farms. Don’t even think about the entertainment industry. Law and order? Ha! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!”

But while the people responsible on the British side for the negotiating positions that saw the deal birthed like a malformed turd from the devil’s backside maybe confident of making a success of it, not everyone shares their optimism.

“WHY NOT?” the staffer demanded, now trembling on the floor, arms around their knees and rocking.

“We can’t tell the great British people what they voted for as it’s a flaming disaster. Let them find out. If we can keep the pandemic going for the next decade then THEY NEVER NEED TO KNOW ANYWAY!!!! Please. Can I have a pony? I want to ride a pony. By the seashore. Sheesure. NEYYYYYY!”

Eventually though, the truth has to come out, regardless of the madness that caused it.

“We can’t publish the impact assessment. We can’t afford the paper its printed on. We gave all the money to mates of Matt Hancock and Dominic Cummings for non-existent PPE! Seashells by the seashore. SHE SHELLS PPE BY THE SEASHORE.”

We thought it best to leave him to it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *