UK Gov careers website advises “books” retrain as “firewood”

FAHRENHEIT 451 : The UK government website that advises people seeking work on how to retrain has received a lot of attention in recent days.

The surge of visits have been prompted by hotshot, whiz kid, flavour of the month, but soon to sour, UK Chancellor Rishi Sunak’s big shrug of the shoulders when asked what people facing unemployment should do.

Clearly expecting an inheritance millionaire to be able to answer the question was daft, and people were wrong to answer it. But at least the website is there to help, and Rishi Sunak was right to direct people to it.

And it’s not just people who have been visiting.

Now that the UK has made the shift into a fantasy landscape, powered solely by magically thinking, thanks to Brexit, inanimate objects are also logging on and taking the quiz.

“I decided my future looks pretty dicey with the erosion of rule of law and democracy,” a book told LCD Views, “so I figured I better seek alternatives. It was the right choice. The careers website had some excellent options for me to pursue.”

It seems after taking the quiz, which focuses predominately on a barfly’s idea of psychoanalysis, and little else, the book was given two options to seriously consider.

“Both are a lot more exciting than sitting on a shelf waiting for someone to pick me up,” the book enthused, “which is what I do with the majority of my time presently.”

And what was the advice?

“Firewood,” the book replied, “that was the best match. Or as the website called the job ‘Outdoor heating and entertainment specialist, as the centrepiece of re-education festivities to best enable the chosen people to take advantage of the opportunities of Brexit’. It was wordy, like me, and I knew it exactly what it meant. Which is not something everyone says about me presently.”

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