UK Gov reveals entire policy stance from trade to all else for 2020

GOVERNMENT BY GASLIGHT : THE UK GOVERNMENT has hit back over scurrilous claims in discredited sections of the press (and social media) that it is just making it up as it goes along, by releasing its entire policy stance for 2020.

“It’s a classic policy position for any government in a tight corner,” a Downing Street ‘source’ told LCD Views, merely because we were chosen in the expectation of being a sympathetic stenographer, while others were denied access, “if you can’t actually prove anything you assert, if you have no real idea of what you’re doing next, if you’ve backed yourself into a corner and then just kept on backing up, if you’re a chancer who relies on inbred privilege, than you’ve got to get inventive.”

And inventive means you’ve got to make things up. If you don’t you risk people realising your real motives and that won’t be good for you.

“Every day, a new load of waffle. Drown people in it. Crowd out all the coherent seeds of thought, unless they take root. Keep people chasing their tails. Baffle them with bullshit. Make sure, so far as the public is concerned, attempting to make sense of what we’re doing is like an endless game of whack a mole.”

But why do it? Why doesn’t Boris Johnson especially have a vision for Britain?

“Oh he has a vision alright,” the source shrugs, “it’s to be prime minister in an attempt to cover over the screaming void of inadequacy that exists inside him, that can only be denied. Can he distract himself sufficiently to not consider his own fear of his own inadequacy? He’s managed it so far. Now he needs our help. If you’re endlessly baffled then you will show him the doubt he needs to see in your own critical judgement. That’s how he gets away with it. That’s what he’s in this for. All the rest is unimportant. Let the ministers, morally purchased by overseas interests, do the bidding of their ethical paymasters. All Boris needs is for you to be baffled. It makes him feel dominant, and less aware that he’s inadequate in comparison to the vain glories he imagined as himself as compensation for childhood, parental abandonment. Although this could all also be bullshit.”

Ah, so he’s made a science of bullshit to make himself feel better? And that’s all it is? That’s why the UK must end?

“Apparently so. It’s the price of enough people voting for negligence. Now, print a story about Johnsons’ vision and verve, and belief in Britain or you’ll find yourself on the wrong side of the carpet.”

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