Uncaught British Fish to save Brexit by swimming patriotically into European ports

FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS: British fishing has all but ceased after the Brexit debacle. Small wonder that the fish are so happy. In return, the fish have collectively decided to rescue Brexit by offering themselves as a sacrifice. 

Unconfirmed reports claim that British Fish have been leaping out of the water into fishing nets. Many fishermen on the North European coast are telling tales about this strange new behaviour. 

“I was most alarmed at first,” said German fisherman Rudi Wakening. “Hundreds of mackerel, each wearing a top hat and waving a Union Jack, jumped straight into the fish store on my boat. Several of them said, ‘Chin chin, old bean!’ and gave me a cheeky wink!” 

It was the same on the French coast. 

“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said an unbelieving Didi Tappen. “Pipe smoking pin striped langoustines simply threw themselves at me, shouting ‘What ho, isn’t this a jolly lark!’ I started to wonder if I wasn’t smoking something dodgy too!” 

This story was so intriguing, that LCD Views sought out a fish whisperer to interview one of the piscine patriots. 

“We decided it was time to act, old boy,” said a very British herring, who gave his name simply as Nemo. “One cannot stand by, well, float by, and allow one’s government to get in the way of our patriotic duty to feed dastardly Europeans, what?” 

You can’t argue with that. 

“There’s absolutely no point swimming to a British port, I say,” continued Nemo. “Hardly any British people like us any more. Once, they caught us, smoked us, and called us kippers, old thing. Now the only kippers are the loony nationalists who caused all this fuss. Gave us a bad name, old chap. So I’m off to Denmark with my blue passport instead. Toodle pip, old boy!”

One thing is certain. The whole affair is distinctly fishy. 

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