Union Jack now recognised as international symbol of distress, whichever way up it is

DROWNING NOT WAVING : THE PRIDE OF A COUNTRY is often thought to exist intangibly in its national symbols, which explains why Great Britain has so very many symbols.

“But none are more symbolic than the flag,” our Flag Fetish expert reveals today, “and the Union Jack is recognised internationally as the most potent symbol that there is.”

And it seems the famous old flag is carrying more weight in the 21st century, as the UK, freed of the shackles of oompf to be found in membership of a multi-national group of democracies numbering over a half a billion people, makes its way once more alone on the world stage.

“Everyone knows what the Union Jack means,” our expert continues, “which is why we can be so proud of the new international consensus over its meaning.”

This new consensus appears to be a revolution in the way countries signal distress to the world.

“It was pretty old fashioned to have to physically turn a flag upside down to say you’re in trouble,” our expert explains, “when you consider the sheer number of flags in a country? Having teams of civil servants, or territorials, run about the place turning every flag upside down? It’s incredibly inefficient. Well, now Global Britons are freed of that tiresome chore.”

This is because it has been agreed overnight that the Union Jack is now the international symbol of distress, whether its upside down or back to front or balancing on a corner.

“The message is clear and made more crystal with each passing day that Dominic Cummings runs the country,” our expert finishes, “if you see a Union Jack, you know the person flying it needs help.”

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