Never mind the Monopolies Commission. Control is vital to the Ruling Class. To remain in the Pink, investment in key properties must take place.
The covid crisis has hit rental income badly. This was an unlucky roll of the dice. Private companies have, sadly, had to let staff go, in order that they may still afford to pay their dividends. There is nothing left in the Community Chest.
The solution is to acquire a greater number of properties. Whitehall, though it produces a not inconsiderable sum, is under pressure from the unpatriotic woke public standards office to reduce the amount of taxpayers’ money spent on renting offices, houses, hotels and the like. We exhort UnoTestiocular readers to club together to acquire the entirety of Pall Mall and Northumberland Avenue. We need only show the world that we possess the cojones.
Expert opinion suggests that this move would, at a stroke, double our rental income. We have been advised, however, to avoid one well-known property on Pall Mall. The advice is not to purchase St James’s Palace at the current time, out of respect for Prince Philip.
We must take the Chance. (Nobody in our circles would ever pay a £10 fine.) But we must not be too greedy. Doubling our income is desirable, naturally, but doubling three times could land us in Jail, although it is probable that someone in the know will be able to produce a Get Out Of Jail Free card.
Quite frankly, this is an unsurpassed opportunity to erect many hotels. London is still a big draw internationally, and should prices prove a little steep for some, well that’s business. We can be flexible and offer to receive payment in property. This has the advantage of taking lesser players out of the game.
And remember, we can always collect all the fines from the so-called “Free Parking”. Advance to Mayfair!