“We’re not racists, but” to replace ‘Dieu et mon droit’ on United Kingdom’s coat of arms

A cross party amendment to the EU Withdrawal Bill slipped through by the House of Commons without anyone noticing last week, as we were all too distracted by Boris “Bungle” Johnson’s big Bungle bridge idea.

“We hold ourselves personally accountable,” LCD Views’ political editor wished to apologise.

“We focus our attention on the big hitters of British politics, and sometimes John McDonnell.”

We’d like to apologise.

“We will spend more time following the BBC’s lead from now on and just obsess about UKIP in order to get better ratings.”

It seems the amendment was put forward by Jacob Rees-mogg and seconded by Jeremy “We don’t care what the actual data says anymore either” Corbyn, in order to get the French out of our coat of arms.

“This will best prepare the United Kingdom for life as an isolated, ferocious, pioneering, global trading nation getting the shit owned out of us at the WTO by countries no one remembers ever having heard of,” Ms May, Prime Minister (allegedly), is to say later today.

It won’t be the only change to the famous coat of arms.

“We’re putting a lot more unicorns in,” parliament said this in unison, “both major parties want to jam it full with them,

“There’s a bit of disagreement over whether they should be blue or red, so we’re going for a mixture of both. We can see the personal profit on both sides of the political divide.”

Everyone will find it easier to remember the updated phrase too.

As it’s a proper INGLISH saying and not some forrin muck.

You’ll all be saying it over and over from 2019 whenever a forriner asks what the hell is happening to the United Kingdom, so may as well get practicing.

“We’re not racists, but,” say it again and again.

It’s what happens when you make UKIP’s raison d’être your sole reason for being.

Outside observers have commented though we would be better changing the famous motto to,

reductio ad absurdam…

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