Why Labour needs a buffoon as leader

Labour cannot hope to progress under its current management. But if the Labour Party were ever to think seriously about becoming a political force in the UK, they must adapt with the times. The days of worthy but dull lawyers with forensic questioning skills are over. The Labour Party needs a buffoon as its leader. Send in the clowns!

Look at how well this approach has worked for the Conservative Party. Nowadays, of course, “conservative” is a dirty word in Conservative circles. The Tories have proved the most progressive party in recent years. The grey men have become showmen, and the greatest showman is of course Boris Johnson. Politically, the man is nowhere, but in the modern arena this is unimportant. Style has triumphed over substance, and until Labour learns this lesson it is doomed to failure.

It is not certain where this lefty buffoon may come from. Starmer is merely a throwback to the long-departed dreary competence of a Major or a Brown. Corbyn was worse: a throwback of a throwback, who never developed from being a shouty rebel at a Ban The Bomb rally. To stand a chance of even competing, Labour must drop worthy policy in favour of three word slogans. It must stop trying to sound reasonable, nobody wants that. It needs a vacuous fool to shout the first thing that comes into his head while waving a fish in the air. That is what the people want.

And note, it must be he, not she. Think of prominent left wing women, like Kate Hoey, Julia Hartley-Brewer, Arlene Foster. Not a trace of a sense of humour in any of them. No, you need a man, preferably a seedy aging Lothario who pleasures much younger women in a vain attempt to recapture his youth. A man, whose mere appearance and demeanour are comical.

Labour needs to be funny. Crack a joke, Keir! Tell us a rambling anecdote and lose your thread! Turn up to work drunk!

And then the Tories will really tear into you.

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