Global Britain woke with a start this morning at hearing an international tribunal has ordered the UK to begin trading under not WTO, but WHO rules.
“Who rules the UK? Really?” Doctor Fonzi Monee of the World Health Organisation wants to know, “until such a time as tests clarify where the virus riddling the UK body politic comes from, and how it spreads, then we have to take measures to contain the country.”
As part of the measures the entire country will be placed in a tend inside a secure, isolation room, normally used to contain highly infectious diseases such as Ebola and US style libertarianism.
“The sheer scale and size of the tent needed to cover an entire country, even one as relatively small land mass wise as the UK, is vastly expensive,” Doctor Monee says, “but it’s okay, the European Union is largely picking up the bill, partially out of concern for an irritating old friend in its imperial dotage, but also because the UK is paying for it by transfer of its manufacturing and services base to the EU.”
Further rules will apply during the period of confinement.
“No one will be allowed to physically touch the UK until it either dies or is cured,” Doctor Fonzi says, “although that’s actually measures already being brought into force by the prime minister and her cabinet out of a hope that showing hatred to foreigners will secure the support of a fraction of the electorate.”
But what can be done to cure the UK and allow it to interact normally once again?
The doctor shrugs.
“Physician heal thyself is now country heal thyself,” he advises, “hopefully some seriously strong alcohol and a lot of bed rest can eradicate yersini brexitus from the UK’s political bloodstream, but looking at the feckin’ idiots running both of the main UK political parties and how they keep smearing infected bodily fluids over each other, well, maybe symbolic, political amputation is the only cure.”