HAVE A PUNT ON THE UK : The UK is enjoying an unprecedented period of interest in governance, which is of course, not a good thing.
“As always there will be winners and losers,” our Downing Street source shrugs, “and there’s never been a better time to get down to Big Red Bus Bookies and have a punt!”
Wait. Are you moonlighting at a bookies?
“Big Red Bus Bookies have all the odds on the UK’s political scene and you can rest assured we’re not currently run by Dido Harding.”
Don’t we pay you enough? Isn’t just existing enough for a figment of the imagination?
“Whether you fancy taking a punt on Liam Fox becoming the next head of the WTO at 10,000,000,000 to 1 or something more dead cert like Boris Johnson tangled in tent cables at evens, Big Red Bus Bookies is the place to let your instincts take over.”
Anyway, you sound like you’re selling furniture, not promoting a bookie.
“So why not get down today to Big Red Bus Bookies and pop a tidy little wager on Gavin Williamson fighting his way out of a paper bag at evens? Or if you’re after something more adventurous you could go for Dominic Cummings organising a successful piss up in a brewery at 100/1 – should he succeed, bets void if any electoral laws are broken. Big Red Bus Bookies – we do democratic process the right way!”
Don’t bother coming back to the office.
Wait. Why can’t we just bet using an app? You do have an app don’t you? Or are you totally amateur? Is this even a licensed bookmaker?
“Big Red Bus Bookies – after the arrest of Steve Bannon we no longer have an app. Big Red Bus Bookies – there will be no paper trail, whatever your wager it will be between you and me!”