A man who has tied himself to some railway tracks in a leafy part of little England is sure the locomotive steaming down the line towards him has more to lose when it hits.
“There’s nothing you can say that will convince me a man can’t stop a locomotive in its tracks if he just believes in himself,” Mr Barry Welleave told LCD Views Karma correspondent.
“I wanted my best mate to join me, but all he’s done since I made my decision is moan and undermine me so I’ve unfriended him down the pub. Sod him. It’ll be easier to stop this train if he put his shoulder in behind me though. I told him we just have to believe in ourselves. He told me some facts in return. What use are they?”
The train itself, catchily titled ‘Fate’ has been running along the same lines for many years and there’s no sign that the driver has noticed just how stubbornly Mr Welleave has roped himself down.
“I could probably wriggle out in time if I tried, but that would be a bit embarrassing, so I reckon on staying put and seeing this out now.”
The tracks are starting to vibrate rather heavily and our correspondent is now trying to undo the ropes.
“Leave off mate. You can’t tell me what to do!”
A suggestion that being turned to mince by the approaching iron giant will leave lasting consequences was similarly rejected.
“Moan. Moan. Moan. Are you the moanatour? Sure it may hurt a little initially, but I’ll be right just as soon as I superglue myself back together.”