LCD Views has learned of fury in the halls of Brexit today with the revelation that the Home Office has put out to tender the printing of burgundy ration books.
“It’s supposed to be another genius snub to the EU, which passed a law forcing all member states to produce burgundy passports in 1954, but it’s potentially an own goal by the government,” LCD’s Futures correspondent, N Ostradamus reveals, “for how much burgundy incenses Brexiters. And we’re all Brexiters now.”
The ration books are expected to be made by a Saudi Arabian company, in a tie-up cash for U.K. made bombs deal. This is a win win which is designed at diversifying our middle eastern friend’s economy, away from oil and into print.
“We’ve ordered eighty million of them,” N Ostradamus reveals, “more than the current official population of the U.K., but ask any hardline conservative and they’ll tell you for a fact there’s at least fifteen million illegals hiding in the shires. They won’t get ration books, but it’s worried the indigenous population may eat the books while queuing for bread. We’ll need spares.”
LCD Views suggests, if it’s not too late to change direction, that classic British blue would have been the more patriotic choice.
Labour have criticised the plan too.
“A jobs first Brexit will mean most of the able population tilling our nationalised farms and fields. There won’t be any need for rations. People can eat the fallen fruit in the fields as they turning over sods of soil.”
But we perceive the greater danger is the Saudi’s accidentally dropping crates of burgundy ration books on Yemenis after a potential mix up talking to Boris Johnson.
That’s no good.
We only recycle oil money properly when they drop British made bombs and we turn a blind eye. Well, unless they drop the bombs on a population that can perhaps make it to Europe as war refugees. Then it’s a front page Daily Mail issue that we can all shake our fists about.
Presumably some ration books will make it to British soil, so we suggest you order your blue ration book covers now to conceal the treasonous burgundy. They’d make great birthday and Christmas presents in advance of March 2019.
“They should just make the new blue passports dual use,” N Ostradamus recommends, “it’s not like anyone, except the wealthiest, will be able to afford a holiday after March 2019, and I can’t see Jacob Rees-mogg queuing for food, can you?”
No, he’ll send a servant instead, like all the people driving Brexit.