The U.K.’s governing Murdoch/Putin coalition cabinet met in secret last night, purportedly to discuss more realistic solutions for how to crash the U.K. economy the fastest. But…
”That’s bollocks, it was to decide who will be the next prime minister, now that Theresa May is dead in the water,” Sajid Javid told LCD Views, while turning stones over to hide toxic policies he may have voted for while in a lesser ministerial role.
“By the way, do you know where the shredders are? I understand that’s a vital function of my new office.”
We assume there’s a bank of them in the basement, next to the incinerator and behind the compost heap?
”I’ll send someone down to confirm.”
But what about the cabinet meeting?
”Oh, well don’t print this, okay?”
Pinky promise?
”Nice.”
Pinkies we’re locked and shook.
”It’s going to be Boris Johnson as prime minister, but with Jacob Rees-mogg put up for show, the comedy contender, to keep the swivel eyed loons happy.”
Isn’t Boris the comedy contender? I mean, he’s built his whole career on being a clown.
”He’s deadly serious about his own ambitions. I wouldn’t joke about that. He’ll have you and your wife.”
But why now? Surely the Queen of Brexit needs to still be on the throne for when the calamity happens so she can draw the fire while the rest of you scramble about asset stripping and ripping the accumulated rights of decades out of the hands of the distressed hoi polloi?
”You’re kidding me? I didn’t think they’d send a rookie to interview one of the most important offices of state. What a joke.”
I was being serious. Help me.
”Boris PM. Gove chancellor. People revolt. Corbyn becomes PM and that old commie McDonnell chancellor and they do Brexit. We then make our money but avoid the political responsibility. It’s crystal bloody clear. Crystal means crystal, just so you know.”