Fearless leader of something Jeremy Corbyn is to revise his well known call for a ‘Jobs First Brexit’ to calling for a ‘Yobs First Brexit’ now everyone can see the jobs first one was nonsense.
“It’ll catch the government completely off guard,” E T told LCD Views, “May is still babbling away on a Brexit that works for everybody. What a clown.
Surely she’s learned from the local election results that you can’t try and please everyone. You’ve got to identify the most credulous section of the voting demographic and squabble like mad over that one while everyone else looks on and starts voting for someone else.”
In what manner are they looking on?
”Despair. Frustration. Rage. Complete disbelief at the cynicism of both major parity leaderships. Impatience. And so on. It’s a long list.”
But why the change from a jobs first Brexit? It’s really catchy!
”Its because it’s rapidly dawning on the entire U.K., excepting the bigots and faith based, that under Labour’s plan of fence sitting and hedging our bets, rather than tearing the useless, shambolic and cruel Tories out of office by full throttle opposition to Brexit, that jobs first Brexit is the one where the jobs all go and then we Brexit. It’s a casserole of nonsense. It’s pretty much Tory hard Brexit. So we’ve switched so people can see a real alternative.”
Why the yobs first?
”Because they’re the only ones who are going to be pleased by Brexit now whatever shape it is in. As long as they get to kick out some foreigners they’ll be happy. Even if they’re starving thanks to inflation and the NHS has collapsed.”
This all sounds promising. Jezza really tore into May yesterday too.
”Yeah that’s how we roll. We please Leavers one day with some statement of utter economic idiocy and then we flip the next to reassure the remainers. You can see by the local election results that it’s really starting to pay off.”
So you’re not worried about losing millions of jobs by helping deliver any Brexit?
”No. We’ll get government on the chaos and then there will be proper, full employment instantly.”
How will you manage that if pulling our of the EU destroys millions of jobs?
”We’ll make everyone a state employee. It’s a genius plan.”
The yobs will be thrilled.
”Yes. Someone is going to have to pick the fruit and wipe the bums. It’s not going to be the politburo!”
Hmm. What about just use Brexit, the screaming wound in the Tory party, to force them out of office now. You can do all your nationalisation stuff in the EU, just so you know.
“Yes, but don’t tell anyone that or they might call for a change in leadership.”
Dont worry, Corbyn carries on offering everyone cake and not taking apart a government torn at the seams and he’ll manage that all on his own. Which is a shame really, because things could have been so different.