Archaeologists this week got rather more than they baragined for as they opened a black sarcophagus that had been sealed for millennia.
Investigating the ruins of what appeared to be an onyx pyramid, the team discovered the ancient tomb standing upright inside a giant replica of a skull, close to a stagnant pool of water.
The minute the seal was broken on the ancient coffin, the lid was flung out from inside, and out flew a scrawny blue being wrapped in bandages and wearing a red cloak. It flew around the ruins and declared, “wherever evil exists, Mumm-Ra lives!”
The archaeologists observed this being with some trepidation, as they had understandably not expected to find anything living inside the box. Expedition leader Jack Allman finally plucked up the courage to ask the creature who or what it was. This strange creature cackled hoarsely, and explained that its name was Mumm-Ra, and that it was the embodiment of all the evil in the world.
It then flew to the pool, and the archaeologists watched in terrified fascination as it then chanted:
“Ancient spirits of evil, transform this decayed form to Mumm-Ra The Ever Living!”
In a flash, the bandages flew off, the cloak changed shape to become a pair of wings, and Mumm-Ra himself grew in size, becoming about three or four feet taller and rippling with muscles. He then flew off, still cackling, and saying something about looking for something called the Eye of Thundera, which made about as much sense to the archaeologists as the rest of it.
That would have been the end of matters, the archaeological team from SlitheCorp would have just dismissed it as a mass hallucination and pretended that it never happened until a few minutes later, the being flew right back to them again and begged to be re-sealed inside his stony tomb.
Jack Allman continues:
“We couldn’t believe it either time. First he escapes, cackling insanely, then he flies back begging to be locked away again”
It turned out that Mumm-Ra had flown around the world looking to conquer it, headed for places of power, gone straight to the White House, taken one look at Donald Trump and decided that there was too much evil there even for him.
“We protested that the sarcophagus was too valuable a find to abandon,” Jack Allman added, “but then we all suddenly felt the breath leaving our bodies, and he was clearly doing it, so we agreed to get someone in who could do that.”
Engineer Lionel Rowe was flown in where he immediately set to work on fusing the two pieces of the sarcophagus back together. He described the events thus:
“It was strange, deliberately working to seal someone up. I felt like a murderer, until the creature explained that he had been existing inside it for thousands of years. I got a recording of it on my phone just to make sure I wasn’t imagining the whole thing, and then did it. Finally it was sealed, and we buried the sarcophagus as deeply as we could, again at his request. He said he hopes the next time he is released, the earth will have slightly less evil in it, because even he has his limits.”
So there you have it. Truth or myth? We don’t know. It’s easy to dismiss something like this as impossible, but the haunted look on Jack Allman’s face didn’t look faked.
They did tell us where to look for the sarcophagus, but advised strongly against it. As the choice of results for going there was between unleashing evil on the world and looking like fools for believing, we decided not to chance it.