Cool rebel boy makes most disliked girl in school offer he knows she’ll refuse

Long pants wearing school yard rebel, multi-millionaire, isolationist ‘socialist’ and so called ‘Absolute boy’ Jeremy Corbyn has made the most disliked girl in their Westminster school yard an offer he knows she’ll refuse, just to look cool in front of the other kids.

“It’s playground politics of the highest level,” LCD View’s obsessively depressed school counsellor reports,

“he knows he’s got her. She can’t accept his offer because if she does the few kids who pretend to like her, because she has a lot of money for sweets, will turn on her and if she doesn’t accept his offer then he can say, hey, look, at least I tried to help her get accepted by the kids who bully her, weekly, as a ritual, but who think the ‘absolute boy’ is mint. Even if they’ve never said it directly to anyone.”

But why is she so unpopular?

“Well, she’s head girl, so she’s a stickler for the rules, well, not the school’s rules, the rules she makes up as she goes along and forces all the other kids to stick to on pain of exclusion. She has the ear of the school authorities. Some say her family donate a lot of money to the school and this is why she is so influential, but I’m not into spreading school yard rumours, so I won’t,

“Anyway, the school is twinned with another school and it lets the kids share a lot of facilities that they otherwise wouldn’t have. She doesn’t like the kids at the other school because she thinks they talk funny,

“For this reason she wants to break the partnership, but it’ll mean everyone in the school, except the richest kids, will lose out. This hasn’t done a lot for her popularity.”

But why has the ‘Absolute boy’ has made the offer now?

“It is not clear, but it’s believed the timing is something to do with a long running school yard prank that has been nicknamed ‘the long game’, by kids who think the ageing, multi-millionaire school boy, isolationist ‘socialist’ is playing a well smart move that will see him elected head boy of the entire school,

This is all very convoluted and confusing.

“It’s supposed to be. That’s so no one knows what is going on.”

But do you think he’ll get elected head boy? Will this strategy work?

“I don’t think so personally. I haven’t thought so since 2016 and let me tell you, I got a lot of grief for pointing it out when I walked through the school yard. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is what the kids are really up to and who’ll get hurt as they carry on their school yard politics.”

Who’ll get hurt?

“Everyone. Many kids believe Jezza is just using the unpopular girl’s unpopularity to force an early election for head boy, or girl. Once he’s won it he’ll maintain the relationship with the other school, but some kids believe he’s never really liked the other school himself, something to do with all the rights they keep enshrining in law for every kid, regardless of their family’s bank accounts, and he just wants the girl to get all the blame for the break up. Apparently some graffiti in the school toilets rubbishing the other school from a few years back is in his handwriting.”

Surely it’s time the grown ups intervened and put a stop to this? It just sounds like bullying? Like no way to run a school.

“Fat chance of that! All the grown ups send their kids to the other school! I wouldn’t be surprised if the Westminster School for Big Boys and Big Girls ends up in special measures soon.”

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