The Green Party faces extinction within England today after leading Tory Party brain box James Cleverly MP snatched pretty much all of the next generation of voters.
“You’ve got to patronise and mock the young’s fears if you want them to vote for you,” Mr (not so) Cleverly told LCD Views, over a champagne breakfast to celebrate his cunning tweeting.
The breakfast interview took place on an iceberg set adrift on the Thames near the Palace of Westminster.
“It’s quite a challenge to get the bollie drunk before the ice melts and you have to swim for shore!” James hooted.
He was dressed for the occasion too, in top hat and tails, looking like an extra from the famous photo of Dave, Boris and chums back when they were just bright eyed students.
We enjoyed a bacon butty with our champagne, the bacon dry cured over the ashes of a Brazilian rainforest to give it a futuristic flavour.
“I’m ravenous, for votes! Ha!” Mr (not so) Cleverly hooted again.
Unfortunately he looked likely to be ravenous for food to accompany the break fast fizz too, as the busy waters of the rising river melted the ice underneath his plate before he could tuck in.
“Now I know what it’s like to be a polar bear,” Mr (not so) Cleverly looked temporarily downcast, “but wait, I’ll just go to the shore over there and everything will be fine. Polar bears are dumb.”
That’s a polarising statement.
“With any luck the local authority will fine the parents of the kids who bunked off school yesterday,” he added, “it’s a good system, the fining for absenteeism. The poorer you are, the more it hurts, the more it hurts, the more you learn them.”
But don’t you think it might be helpful to your party, one with a membership that is physically dying and geriatric, to engage with the young voters who are so traumatised by the wanton destruction of their planet, they are prepared to take to the streets in terror of what the future holds?
“Why bother? By the time the earth cooks and everything dies except for pond slime I’ll be long gone.”
If the pond slime is still present, you will be too.
“Excuse me?”
Don’t worry, you’ll hear about it at the ballot box soon enough. Not content with stripping away the opportunities of the young to freely engage in Europe, you’re now also signalling you’ll do bugger all to save the planet they’re expected to live on.
“Clever by name, clever by nature.”