Downing Street continues in its perpetual state of terrified lockdown today after a first draft of Prime Minister Theresa May’s speech for March 29th was leaked online.
”Was it leaked on a fishing line? A washing line? A single tweet online? In a song line? Once we have the answer to that we’ll be able to find the leak,” a Downing Street insider told us, “then we just have to confirm if it was a homophone leek, a plumbing leak, a leaky roof leek or a toilet one. But we’ll find the traitor.”
But while some choose to mock our executive for the endless calamity in government, and unfairly point the finger at pinning their entire policy strategy on lies, we here at LCD Views commend their sense of historical moment.
“The U.K. is just going outside and maybe some time?” Our Office tub thumper commented, “it’s a stroke of genius. It will embolden the Brexit naysayers, the remoaners, to realise they also have to make sacrifices to deliver Brexit on time.”
And by referencing a famous historical disaster that led to the loss of all hands, people will know they are living in a moment where they fulfill a destiny they only half planned for.
”It shows the true grit and nobility of the British character hasn’t diminished over time,” Our tub thumper added, “and study of the gigantic and apparently unstoppable catastrofuck that is Brexit will allow the next country to exit the EU to succeed,
”Really everyone should be applauding the government, and their friends on the opposition benches, for ignoring all evidence to the contrary that we shouldn’t be stepping out on the ice alone, now or at any other time.”