FOX TV ROTS THE BRAIN : The world’s largest spoiled brat arrived in London today in order to throw a tantrum lasting several days on the other side of the famous transatlantic pond.
Reacting swiftly to the news of the over indulged, orange faced muppet’s arrival, the Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, sensibly placed a crack team of Oompa Loompas on high alert.
“Even now the Oompa Loompas are reworking the lyrics to Mike Teavee’s song, as that’s felt to be the most appropriate one from the Roald Dahl Guide to Dealing with Sociopathic Toddlers.”
We should say now how thankful we are for the existence of that famous song book, as we’re about to reproduce lines from it heavily, with some modifications to suit.
And to get a sense of how the Oompa Loompas are going, we spoke to one of the team.
“We’ll be ready by the time the cheeto faced shitgibbon goes ape in a burger store,” the diminutive powerhouse said, “the most important thing we’ve learned, so far as giant toddlers are concerned, is never, NEVER, NEVER let them watch FOX News. Or better still, just don’t let the idiot child near a television set at all.”
And what about Donnie Drumpf?
“He’s a rotten egg. And you can see why. He sits and stares and stares and sits hypnotised by FOX, until he’s essentially drunk with all the shocking, ghastly fake news junk.”
So how do you see it playing out with Donnie? Will he make it to the end of his London tour without the intervention of your crack team?
“No chance. He’s already flinging scat about on Twitter towards the Mayor of the city hosting him,” the Oompa Loompa observed, “it’s clear his senses are rotted in his head. His imagination is stone dead. He’s clogged and cluttered in the mind. He’s essentially dull and blind and can no longer understand reality from his fantasy, fairyland.”
So you’ll be rolling him away any minute? Or carrying him away if he shrinks as much as Mike Teavee did?
“He can’t really shrink anymore than he has though. Have you seen his tiny hands? If he can’t get his hands on the NHS he’ll throw a major tantrum. That’s when we’ll be singing our song. And it’ll serve him right. Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo, I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.
What do you get when you guzzle down Fox…”
Good luck Oompa Loompas, you’ll be getting the call to song any moment.