It’s All Greek To Me Secretary, Jeremy C. Hunt, has made a plea for broadcasters to stop making fun of his name. Consequently, all news outlets globally have instead pinky promised to call him Jeremy Lady-Garden.
“I think it’s most disrespectful,” said Lady-Garden. “C*** is such a horrible word. Lady-Garden is much more pleasant. It evokes feminine grace and beauty, lush vegetation and a sweet aroma.”
It’s so much better than the original Hunt, too. “Yes, who wants loads of men with horns rummaging around where they please?” asked Lady-Garden. “It’s damaging to the vegetation, and a violation of open countryside.”
Jeremy’s embracing of his feminine side is a massive step away from the traditional parliamentary willy-waving. LCD Views’ resident Below The Belt correspondent, Jenny Taylia, offered her psychological insights.
“I think Jeremy has taken his distant second place in the leadership contest to heart,” remarks Taylia. “The knock his confidence must have taken is enormous. Imagine coming second to a muppet like Johnson, and finishing only narrowly ahead of a coked-up slimeball.”
Is this why he has gone all snowflakey about being called a c***?
“Partly,” admitted Taylia. “It’s also a conscious move to soften his image, and to gain female support. It is his attempt to appear deep, warm and accommodating.”
In some respects, then, Lady-Garden is still thinking like a man.
“While we are talking downstairs body parts, one of his rivals told me that Jeremy wasn’t a c***, but an ars*h*le,” Taylia revealed. “They are next door, after all, like China and Japan. It’s an easy mistake for a misguided prick to make.”
So how do you see the change affecting his chances of winning the next ballot?
“It won’t make the slightest difference,” said Taylia. “You can call him Jeremy Lady-Garden by all means, but he’s still a c***.”
It seems that Jeremy has made a boob, and now he looks like a complete tit.