TALK TO THE HAND : The EU is coming under fire today for squandering more hard earned British taxpayer’s money on vanity projects after a giant floating hand set sail on a barge from the Dutch port of Antwerp.
The barge is expected to cross the ENGLISH CHANNEL and enter the mouth of the ENGLISH River Thames by ENGLISH Friday.
“Then it will make its way up the Thames before mooring mid-stream alongside the Palace of Westminster,” our Brussel’s correspondent reveals, “the project is designed to speed up the discussions with the next UK prime minister, or any further talks with Theresa May, should she decline to recommend her successor to the Queen in late July.”
But critics have pointed out that the hand won’t be capable of responding verbally to any of the shouted demands the next prime minister of Global Britain will make.
“That’s the whole point of it,” our correspondent explains, “talk to the hand. The next PM looks guaranteed to talk the same bollocks the last one did, without any reference to reality, so why do you think the EU will waste its time?”
Why indeed. A brief survey of the media output of either Boris Johnson, or Jeremy Hunt, shows that neither appear to have learned that simply shouting “DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?” for the last three years has achieved anything at all.
“At least with the hand moored off the Palace of Westminster the British taxpayer should save money, as the prime minister and their team won’t need to spend cash to attempt to renegotiate the Brexit deal.”
But we must say the hand appears to be a waste of time, if moored next to parliament, as our MPs have already voted to take the rest of the year off and the lights in the commons will be on, but no one will be home.