May demands strategic ‘u turn’ added to list of Brexit lifelines

British Prime Minister Theresa May has reportedly demanded that DexEU add ‘u turn’ to the list of strategic Brexit lifelines.

The order comes amid speculation from the suspected traitors at the Bank of England that Brexit could lead to initial job losses in the city of London of 75,000+. Although the actual number could be hundreds of thousands and doesn’t include all the associated jobs such as restaurant staff and shoeshiners.

“I don’t mind telling you the strong lady is pretty shaken up,” an aide to the PM allegedly advised.

“All this time she’s been on the phone taking orders from that Australian American media mogul she’s been believing Brexit will make a success of it.”

It’s understood that David Davis MP, minister in charge of DexEU, has already drawn up a contingency list of options should Brexit get a bit sticky.

“He’s written down 50/50, phone a friend and ask the audience as Brexit strategy fallbacks on the back of a fag packet. I am pretty sure his handwriting is so large, he uses crayons, that there won’t be room to add ‘u turn’.

Someone is going to have to go down to the Westminster off license, purchase a packet of Rothmans and smoke the lot so we’ve more writing paper.”

Worth initial estimates of tax revenues lost by the bleed of financial service jobs already in the squillons, 50/50 is looking used up.

“I guess we could charter a bus and start symbolically driving it in u turns on Westminster Green?” the aide mused further.

“You know, prepare the people for when phone a friend is gone. Ask the audience is no good, it’s how we got in this bloody mess to begin with. So we are going to need at least the option of u turn. It’s just sound strategic thinking.”

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