LCD Views is delighted to report that the cabinet deadlock over what to ask for during the Brexit negotiations, and what rules the UK must adhere to during the transition, has been resolved by the decision to shift the legal headquarters of DExEU to Panama, for the duration of the transition.
“This is a perfect way to square the circle,” T. Dodge, minister at DExEU told LCD Views,
“we were having serious trouble providing businesses with enough time to relocate to the EU, but enable the people who have pushed for, and promoted, and paid for Brexit, a legal way to evade the new EU anti-tax avoidance measures which kick off in 2019.”
It’s believed later today, Theresa May will drag David Davis out of the House of Commons bar and into a toilet. Once inside she will give him a burner mobile phone and force him to call Angela Merkel.
“Theresa doesn’t want to talk to Angela, if she can avoid it.
She asks really personal questions, like, what do you want?
It’s not Angela’s place to seek answers to private, existential questions from our prime minister.
David will be so smashed, after a good lunch, he’ll just bulldoze though the conversation.
We’re moving to Panama Angela and there’s f*ck all you can do about it! Something like that.
Followed up with, take your new anti-tax avoidance measures and shove it!”
And one of the upsides too, is that this will be a move that will not involve any job losses.
“We will only need to hire one lawyer on Panama to make the shift work. So that’s a lot of London based jobs protected.”
It’s believed the cabinet disorder will settle now that a solution has been found to the sticky answer of how to avoid the new anti-tax avoidance measures, which is one of the primary drivers behind Brexit.
“We can use the transition time now to build a giant skyscraper post box in Westminster to act as the legal address for corporations and individuals, who will need sanctuary from the tyrannical EU’s tyrannical attempts to make corporations and individuals help pay for civil society.
The 8% of global wealth that’s hidden in tax havens needs a champion. UK plc can fulfil that role as we emerge from the xenophobia soaked chrysalis into the beautiful butterfly of Brexit.”