LCD Views feels coerced to reassure fans of four alleged Russian agents today that none are afraid of Kremlin attack as none are double agents.
”We allegedly work direct for the Kremlin,” the first to speak reassured, “and only for the Kremlin. Absolitely nothing we do is in the British interest, or the American interest while we’re on the subject. So sleep tight tonight knowing no shadow force will harm us.”
The statement is a timely one and one people on both sides of the Atlantic are no doubt happy to hear.
”Look, without me they would have one less alleged channel of laundering money out of the Russian state and into foreign accounts,” the second commented, “do you want to buy insurance? I don’t have any personally. What would I need it for with such a teat to suckle on in the dark?”
While the narcissistic rabbit in headlights who currently placeholds as British Foreign Secretary did give a carbon copy statement on such matters today, no one paid much attention, because why would they to that man these days?
”I’m not changing my routine one bit,” advised the third, “I’m busy googling away for any alleged sexual predator I can share a stage with to make sure people keep talking about me. I’d share a stage with Hitler if I had a time machine. Imagine how many BBCQT slots that would book me!”
The fourth was not available for comment as he was busy working out how he can screw up the green shoots of no threat of nuclear Armageddon starting on the Korean Peninsula with one perfectly misphrased tweet.